Hello there! Long time, no writing!
I have been absent for almost half a year, but in my defence, a lot of things changed and I didn’t know how to manage my time.
Arianna will be one next week (incredible how fast this year has gone), is walking (started at 8.5 months old), has 8 teeth, is eating anything (really, anything!), started going to the childminder, learned how to imitate cats, dogs and horses and how to hold a pen to write. Loves to dance, play with cars and to go outside, melts her feet when she sees a dog and Lucy, the cat, is her best friend.
I started work again when Arianna was 6 months old, we moved house and my sister-in-law came with family to build a life in the UK, closer to us.
To be honest, these changes came slowly and it wouldn’t have been impossible for me to continue blogging, but starting work I felt tired all the time and my time off I preferred to spend with my fast growing baby. I had moments when I felt she doesn’t know me and I don’t know her any more. It all felt even worse when my sister-in-law came along. As she, her husband and their 6 years old daughter lived with us in the beginning, they were at home all the time, until documents were done and they found a job. My husband had a longer period of being at home as well as he had an accident and was off sick with a bad knee (we’re waiting for surgery), so Arianna was so used with everyone, but me. It was all in my head and I became really jealous on everyone, but what could anyone do about it? I chose to return to work, after all!
I started working nights in the beginning, only Friday, Saturday and Sunday each week, and Andrei looked after Arianna on weekends, while childminder took her each Monday to give me time to rest before getting her home. That worked well for a while, but at work I got promoted and my new contract required for me to work more shifts in a more randomly made rota, still on nights. This made me very tired, and after a while 5 hours a sleep weren’t enough after a night shift and I had to sleep my whole time at home in between shifts.
Now I requested to be transferred on days, as I realized there is no time saved by me doing nights, and I also miss the agitation of a day shift in a busy nursing home. I only just started it, can’t make my opinion about it just yet, but I hope this will be the right balance in between work and home, career and family.
I found it very hard to find the right thing to do, and I felt so many times a stranger in my own home, as everyone else seemed to know my baby better than me. This made me feel really low, that I got to the point of calling my GP for advice regarding depression and anxiety. I do appreciate all mums out there struggling between work and kids, and single mums, you are the most heroic humans alive! I couldn’t imagine myself being these days without my husband that supported me in anything I wanted to do, and I don’t think I would cope being a single parent, that I am strong enough! All my respect to all strong women out there for all the amazing work you do with your kids!!
I feel in a better place at the moment, but I would love to post in the future more about depression and anxiety as it is a serious topic to discuss about and very hard to live with!
Also, I just want to underline that I chose to return to work when Arianna was 6 months old, not for the need of money, necessarily, but for my need to socialise, to feel useful! I have heard so many people saying I was supposed to stay at home more, for my baby! I was there for her, but I needed my “me” time as well, and a depressed mother wouldn’t have been no use to no one. Some might say, but I still got into depression, even if I was at work, which is true, but every time I got to work I had to focus on other things and this actually helped me deal with it better than being at home all the time.
To all mothers, please do what you think it’s best for your mental health and the general best interest of your kid! Do not listen to the society and do not let anyone take you down!
As a comeback, my next post will be a DIY project having as centrepiece the sensory hula hoop a made a while back! Stay tuned and see you back here next week!